The time between the birth of our child and when they become an adult flies by in an instant. Understandably, parents want to be there for every milestone, the laughter and the tantrums.
One of the hardest things with a divorce is knowing that you won’t be with your children every day as you and your ex-spouse navigate custody arrangements and co-parenting. And it becomes particularly heartbreaking when your ex constantly makes excuses about why you can’t see the children during your parenting time.
The damage caused by parental alienation
Having your ex-spouse turn your children against you is not only heartbreaking for you, but it also does long-term damage to the kids. Many grow up having trust issues as they learn that the people they love the most can manipulate or hurt them. Building and sustaining a healthy relationship later in life becomes challenging.
Children who experience parental alienation often have mental health issues that manifest as they grow into adulthood. Depression, anxiety and low self-esteem affect their career, friendships and family. Without intervention or support, they cope in unhealthy ways, such as drug or alcohol substance use disorders.
Therefore, it’s crucial to recognize the signs of parental alienation early on.
- Parroting: Your children are going to get upset with you sometimes. It’s a normal thing. But if your child is saying stuff that mirrors your ex-spouse’s speech, such as, “You never do anything right”, it’s likely your ex is badmouthing you to the kids.
- Hostility or fear: Another red sign is your child displaying an elevated level of anger, hostility or fear that seems to have come out of nowhere, especially if you had enjoyed a loving bond before.
- Choosing sides: Your ex-partner may be pushing your child to “take their side”. Your child may act protective or defensive about their other parent.
Parental alienation is not only damaging to you and your children, it’s also unethical and could be considered a form of child abuse. If you see any red flags indicating that your ex is trying to turn your children against you, it’s imperative to seek help before it goes too far.